Sometimes when the walls of your belief explode, it hurts, but you realize that this explosion brought about a new sense of realization, a realization that is far away from wrong assumptions. Two such beliefs, that i found broken recently, brought about a sigh of relief for me, for i realized that i was too naive to have held very firmly to these wrong beliefs.
Since my school days, till March this year, i had a tender spot for Christianity, i always felt that the religion was quite different from the one i followed, or was made to follow, now i laugh it as the stupidity of childhood days that would have made Lord Macaulay smile in his graves. I was almost a neo convert, would skip visit to temple to attend the Thursday mass at school church. At every testing times then, i would murmur the prayers “O Father.. Lord of all…”, and seek divine intervention to address my issues then.
As I grew up, i was moved back to the religion that i got with my birth. During my college days, i was drawn towards the political party which is rightist, a party that prophesied Hinduism. Those were youthful days and the movement of construction of temple in a so called “disputed site” had raised national fervor, i was emotionally inclined to that political party, though i never participated into any activities of the party or the movement that it raised, i had that soft corner for it.
After my involvement in a non governmental organisation working for empowerment of women through self employment, i got few opportunities to work with the political party of my liking. Surprisingly, the more closer i grew to that party, the more sadder i became. I found that almost all the parties were similar inertly. They all had only one prerogative before them, grab power, by hook or by crook. Doing good for people or their constituents was perhaps only peripheral on their agenda. I started hating the whole lot of these selfish politicians and their petty politics.
Still one fort was there, i had a soft liking for the Christianity, i felt that amidst all ruins there is this one religion that was quite different. I remember having felt very sad and angered when in Orissa the Christian Missionary Father and his son was charred to death by right winged activists.
Thankfully, one incident that occured in the month of March this year (read my related blog post here), once again broke the belief that i had misplaced. I concluded that apart from the color of robes, i.e. saffron and white, nothing else was different. Sarcastically, reconciling myself, it was a kind of cultural integration.
With two beliefs, that were wrong in the first place, broken, i could breath very freely now. There is no baggages to carry now. The silver lining of the entire things i concluded to myself.